Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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