Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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