i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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