How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
