I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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