do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
