I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
two words...techno handjob
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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