So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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