Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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