YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
