He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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