An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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