I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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