i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize