So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
