sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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