Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
