OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize