hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
