I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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