my phone needs a breathalizer
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
