The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
