if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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