Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
