Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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