I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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