Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
