Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
