This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
