proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
soo... how was my night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
