I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
