dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
