I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
