I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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