fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
whose parrot is this?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
