Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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