hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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