my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
