Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
