I think I died a long time ago.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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