Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
