nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize