saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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