I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
