Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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