She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
