I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
