this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
