sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
