I got chris browned last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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