I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
