I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
