No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
