god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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