Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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