is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
