I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sarcasm needs its own font
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
