The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
