I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
