I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
