You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
