Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
