just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize