This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
