Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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