i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
