i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
