Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
