Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
