don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
